Full Moon in Capricorn

Happy full moon! I got to spend a lot of time outside under it last night, while taking care of one sick puppy…

I have a dog now, by the way. I haven’t told you on here yet. Bailey came to me in February, from a rescue, looking like this:

I reluctantly agreed to foster her for 1-2 weeks, thinking I wouldn’t keep her long term since I was looking for a smaller, older, more male dog who could eventually be my furever friend. Four months later, here I am with the same, now-44 lb. female puppy. This month she looks like this:

She’s usually thriving, but this week has been sick. It’s been a rough couple of days, rounding off last week when I was sick (the covid finally got me!) But we are both home and healing under the remnants of the full moon in Capricorn.

It’s said this moon is a difficult one—one that may bring us back to memories of early 2020, when all the pandemic madness was just beginning. I can feel the reflections, with more talk of rising case numbers and infections, but hopefully things won’t get as intense as back then.

The astrology/moon blogs that I read (like Jen Racioppi’s Cosmic Health) ask us to reflect on the progress we’ve made since that time.

“Where were you then? Where are you now? What have you learned? What do you still need to shed?”

I might be an entirely different person! Early 2020 found me returning from romping down under in Australia, still bouncing around and unclear on any sort of direction. I was enjoying life, but I remember hoping for a more stable work situation and a sense of home. I landed very much home—in Poughkeepsie, NY at my dad’s house and then semi-sort-of “home” on Long Beach Island, NJ where I remain today.

I was on a break from teaching yoga while in Sydney. Luckily, backed by the learnings I picked up on that trip, I’m back to it and leading a teacher training with one of my yoga homes this summer.

Probably, for all of us, the past 2.5 years have forced us to grow up, maybe too much. Life is not as careless and free. Yet it feels more grounding and steady, and for me I’m glad it’s still happening here, near the beach:

We’re all a bit more serious and, I think, a bit more scared. But our relationships are stronger and deeper than before—they push our edges when we need and soften us when we need to be held. There’s a sense of bearing down, knowing that if we’ve made it this far, we can handle even more.

For me, having a puppy and steadier job (very contrary to my wandering ways) is pressing me to stay, be responsible to others, and give outside of myself. Some days it’s harder and heavier than it has been, but it makes me appreciate the smaller joys.

I’m learning, slowly and steadily. I spend too much time on the computer and the phone. I probably need to shed the desire to do everything and compartmentalize my relationships—work feels separate from life and vice versa. I’d love to be the fullest “me” in every work or life situation. I’m getting there.

I don’t have as many international adventures these days, but a few are in the works. I’ll keep sharing and I’m glad you’re still reading.

What’s this full moon bringing up for you?

Forcing vs. Flowing

(Wrote this on a plane about a week ago. I’m successfully back in NJ.)

I’m coming to you from the air today! After a surprise cancellation and rebooking (one of many happening these days, it seems), I’m on a flight to visit Los Angeles. I’ve been keeping a one line a day journal since 2020 (a thrilling year to start, by the way) and I can’t believe it’s officially been longer that I’ve lived in New Jersey than I lived in LA.

Planning my trip to California had me reflecting on the time I spent living there, and in my yoga classes this week, I’ve been talking about the difference between forcing and flowing in life. Looking back (with 20/20 hindsight, of course), the year and half I spent living on the west coast was definitely more on the “forcing” side.

I had just gotten out of a relationship, and didn’t want to be left behind or have the patience to wait and see what would happen naturally. I jumped at a low-paying service job in a run-down area with almost an hour commute from LA (not even counting traffic), found a place to live on Craigslist, and made my way into the thrill of the hustle.

Aside from the job (which mainly consisted of stuffing envelops and rearranging furniture—I only lasted a month), most things worked out fine and there were certainly moments of magic. California is glorious, my friendships were rich, and I managed to squeeze in a 500-hour yoga teacher training. But now that I’m removed (almost three years out), forcing my way into a new life made everything just the slightest bit harder. After I left the first job, I worked in tutoring, quite low-paying yoga gigs, and event catering. I drove SO much and watched my savings account dwindle. I wouldn’t change anything—it was all a special and memorable part of my path, but I see a big difference contrasted with today.

My move to New Jersey was anything but planned. A covid-induced end to my travels landed me at my mom and stepdad’s beach house for a few months (thanks, Mom!), which then became more than a year. The online tutoring company from LA reached out and gave me something to do during lockdown. Then I returned to a fun job I loved working in a restaurant, which kept me busy and provided a social life. Great yoga teaching positions continue to present themselves and grow (I’m leading my first teacher training this summer!). And after about a year of relentlessly searching and submitting about 200 applications, a new writing and marketing job appeared out of almost nowhere. All of today’s connections and opportunities seem manifested and aligned to my interests and goals. There is a certain level of flow. The seasons keep changing, and I keep watching to see what happens next.

This isn’t a call to avoid all struggle in life or to always take the easy way out. It’s simply a reminder to take a step back and reflect: Is the struggle necessary to achieve your goals or is it self-induced by forcing something that isn’t for you right now? If you examine your feelings 90% of the time, are you in a forced state or a flow state? Sometimes it takes three years of retrospect to tell the difference.

2021

It’s still January (in case you haven’t already noticed from the freezing temps and the way it keeps snowing!) so I hope I can still do a 2021 recap. While it was another weird year of uncertainty for everyone, but SO much happened this year that I don’t want to forget…

Winter LBI sunsets. Snow! Two spring trips to California. My birthday celebration in Keystone, Colorado. Yoga on the beach, by the bay, and in the studio. Nature time in the Delaware Water Gap (and exploring more of my new state of NJ). Becoming an official New Jersey resident and finally unpacking all my stored boxes into my own apartment. A best friend’s wedding in Amsterdam plus a side trip to Paris. A lovely amount of trips to Harrisburg and other parts of PA to visit my sister. And last but not least, all the holiday festivities and a family trip to NYC after two years away.

My grandma celebrated her birthday last week, and when I called to wish her a happy one, she had some reflections to deliver. She considered the number, and I commented that we’re both getting older. But if someone offered her the chance to wake up tomorrow and be 25 or 35 again, would she do it? “Only if they’d promise I could live every year since then in exactly the same way,” she said.

I hope I feel the same when I reach my 80’s. At this rate, I think I will.

Holidays at "Home"

Happy New Year! Now that my full-time job is back in the swing of things this week, I’m realizing that December was really a nice break and slow down from the normal fast-paced madness. During that recharging period, “home” for the holidays really meant all over the place for the holidays, but I’m glad I got to visit and spend time with so many friends and family members. I was home to Poughkeepsie a couple of times, in Harrisburg with my sister a couple more, and had time at my apartment in South-Central Jersey for plenty of cookie baking.

Thanksgiving was hosted by my sister in Harrisburg. I crocheted these festive turkey napkin rings:

My mom and stepdad came up from Georgia to take us to New York City to see the tree and all the holiday decorations. It was still weirdly (and perfectly warm). We celebrated my sister’s engagement at the River Cafe in Brooklyn.

I finally attended my first Long Beach Island Ship Bottom Christmas parade. There’s nothing like a small town holiday parade. This one had lots of boats:

I decorated my place inside and outside. Thanks to anyone who contributed holiday hand-me-down decor!

And here are those cookies. I made six different kinds this year:

For Christmas, I stayed at my dad’s house in Poughkeepsie, NY. Christmas Eve is really our only big family holiday tradition, but last year was canceled for COVID and the year before I was away in Australia. It was great to be back together to gather and celebrate. We also got a lucky ski day in at home:

And lots of cuddle time with their new puppy, Jameson, who is growing much too fast:

That’s all I’ve got for now! Happy New Year, and I hope your resolutions are still going strong in week one.

Welcoming Fall

It always leaves a little hole in my heart when summer leaves. But we’re still out on the beach here, and I’ve had a few fun adventures in place and in store. October is the borderline between the heat and the slowing down. It gives us a little reminder to pause and notice what’s changed.

I’ve got pumpkins (probably rotting as we speak) outside of my door. And few crafts inside in the works.

Most days the weather has been good enough for some yoga and a late season surf.

The sunsets here are always unbeatable.

My sister stopped by to celebrate her engagement. We took a quick walk around Cedar Bonnet Island Park.

And we visited her and Will in Harrisburg, PA again. Talk about the land of craft fairs and festive fall decor!

My mom and stepdad are leaving soon for Georgia, so we took an extended lunch at Rat’s Restaurant in the Grounds for Sculpture. Yummy food and perfect scenery. Highly recommend!

I got into the spirit and baked some fall treats.

I’ve been boating a bit.

And tried my hand at making mussels for the first time. Delicious!

Last one. My grandma’s teacup collection is on full display in my new apartment kitchen: