Post

(Wrote this on a plane about a week ago. I’m successfully back in NJ.)

I’m coming to you from the air today! After a surprise cancellation and rebooking (one of many happening these days, it seems), I’m on a flight to visit Los Angeles. I’ve been keeping a one line a day journal since 2020 (a thrilling year to start, by the way) and I can’t believe it’s officially been longer that I’ve lived in New Jersey than I lived in LA.

Planning my trip to California had me reflecting on the time I spent living there, and in my yoga classes this week, I’ve been talking about the difference between forcing and flowing in life. Looking back (with 20/20 hindsight, of course), the year and half I spent living on the west coast was definitely more on the “forcing” side.

I had just gotten out of a relationship, and didn’t want to be left behind or have the patience to wait and see what would happen naturally. I jumped at a low-paying service job in a run-down area with almost an hour commute from LA (not even counting traffic), found a place to live on Craigslist, and made my way into the thrill of the hustle.

Aside from the job (which mainly consisted of stuffing envelops and rearranging furniture—I only lasted a month), most things worked out fine and there were certainly moments of magic. California is glorious, my friendships were rich, and I managed to squeeze in a 500-hour yoga teacher training. But now that I’m removed (almost three years out), forcing my way into a new life made everything just the slightest bit harder. After I left the first job, I worked in tutoring, quite low-paying yoga gigs, and event catering. I drove SO much and watched my savings account dwindle. I wouldn’t change anything—it was all a special and memorable part of my path, but I see a big difference contrasted with today.

My move to New Jersey was anything but planned. A covid-induced end to my travels landed me at my mom and stepdad’s beach house for a few months (thanks, Mom!), which then became more than a year. The online tutoring company from LA reached out and gave me something to do during lockdown. Then I returned to a fun job I loved working in a restaurant, which kept me busy and provided a social life. Great yoga teaching positions continue to present themselves and grow (I’m leading my first teacher training this summer!). And after about a year of relentlessly searching and submitting about 200 applications, a new writing and marketing job appeared out of almost nowhere. All of today’s connections and opportunities seem manifested and aligned to my interests and goals. There is a certain level of flow. The seasons keep changing, and I keep watching to see what happens next.

This isn’t a call to avoid all struggle in life or to always take the easy way out. It’s simply a reminder to take a step back and reflect: Is the struggle necessary to achieve your goals or is it self-induced by forcing something that isn’t for you right now? If you examine your feelings 90% of the time, are you in a forced state or a flow state? Sometimes it takes three years of retrospect to tell the difference.